V/H/S

So far, we haven't really done any horror movies. Yet it seems to me that most horror titles would be found in the section of drunken critic recap. I am not a big fan of horror movies, unless there's something about them that separates them from the rest. For example, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil and Cabin in the Woods -- which, incidentally, have the exact same scenario -- are great stories because they take everything we expect and turn it inside out. Which is hard to do in a usually very predictable genre. What are there like six Paranormal Activity movies now? That's just irresponsible film-making.

Last night I decided to watch something I had heard very little about. A movie called V/H/S, from 2012.

Netflix: Yes
Viewer: D'yltagnan

Not to be confused with Attack of the Killer Video Cassettes from Outer Space

The premise here is that a bunch of douche-bags break into a house to find a particular V/H/S tape. In their search, they come across a collection of tapes, that they of course watch. Each one a different, and completely unrelated, horror vignette. Let me just say off the bat, the entire movie is done with that irritating shaky-cam thing that I guess is really cheap, and won't seem to go away. And that includes the scenes with the douche-bags, since I guess they are also filming themselves robbing a house.

Don't expect too much story here. After each vignette we return to the house to find that another d-bag has disappeared. I guess the videos are killing them off, Ring-style or something. It's never really explained. And each story poses more questions than it bothers to answer. Which in some ways adds to the creepiness of it all.

I will say, though, that I liked the creative ways they had people using cameras in each tale. In one story, a guy had a camera hidden in his glasses to document a wild night. In another, it was all Skype recordings. It shows at least a little bit of effort in the writing. Also, the stories were relatively original. I mean each one kind of started out the same way: a group of young adults (usually horny and/or drunk) encounter some violent and horrible stuff. But I have to say, the 'monsters' and surprises were unusual and fairly entertaining.

The dialogue is somewhat painful to listen to. But only because it's remarkably accurate. Listening to four moronic drunks talk about how wasted they are, and the chicks they want to nail, is pretty hollow, but then again, I can totally hear certain friends of mine having that exact conversation. Unfortunately several of the stories have this and other slow, time-wasting conversations before something interesting happens, which was kind of off-putting, at least in the beginning.

Overall, it wasn't bad. Maybe the key to a good horror story is keeping it short. Each segment required a limited amount of focus, and not much investment in the characters or their lives, which is just the attitude you have going into a movie where you assume everyone is going to die. To drink to this movie may make you nauseous, but then again you may be more able to tolerate the irritating characters and dialogue.

Drunk Meter: 5/10

Also, I guess you want to know if it's actually scary. Well, like I said, there's not much story or character development, so there isn't much in the way of psychological thrill. The suspense only comes from the usual what's-going-to-be-around-that-corner curiosity. What's nice is that the scares do not rely on loud noises or sudden camera moves. Things just steadily get creepier until everyone is dead and the video ends. So is it scary? No, not really.