C.H.U.D.

Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller. Or, if you prefer, Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal.

Wow, where to even begin with this one.

I caught this one on Netflix a few weeks back. It kept creeping into my Top 10, so I figured what the hell. Going into it, I expected something equivalent to The Toxic Avenger, with Citizen Toxie being shallowly replaced by equally absurd, low-budget, 80s-style monsters. What exactly was the fascination with toxic waste back then? Big globs of oozing, green-glowing barrels with skulls and cross-bones on them? Yikes.

Anyways, this flick turned out to be a complete surprise. And dare I say it, a pretty damn good one. It certainly had the B-movie aspect of, well yea, cannibalistic humanoid monsters living in the sewers. But the build-up to it, the colorful characters, their lives and problems, were definitely more interesting than I was expecting. There's Cooper, a photographer and young husband. He and his wife are dealing with typical young couple stuff, like living in an apartment and starting a family. Meanwhile, his photography subjects -- homeless people from around the city -- ask him for help with weird things going on in the subways, where they live. Then there's 'The Reverend', a one-man soup kitchen, who also gets involved with the strange occurrences. Lastly, we have Bosch, a cop whose wife, like so many others lately, has disappeared and is presumed dead. He is forbidden by his superiors to investigate any of the missing persons, but becomes increasingly desperate and defiant as the mystery unravels.

The monsters themselves are relatively unimaginative and are not particularly scary, out of context (like when one tries to break into Cooper's apartment). It's more of the idea that there's malevolent creatures living under the city, perhaps just a few feet from that subway platform, hiding in the shadows. But overall, I would say the monsters are the least terrifying part of the film. What I found particularly disturbing was the state of New York City in the '80s. Holy shit, what a dump. In many ways, that alone was enough to make this a horror movie; just watching the characters walking around dark, deserted city streets.

In the end, it's the interesting characters that make the movie watchable, and give it an unexpected but appreciable depth.

As for the drink-o-meter: you could definitely watch this bad boy with a drink in hand. It's equal parts dumb and entertaining. So have a drink that's equal parts gin and...I don't know, radon, so that it glows in the dark. During the movie you can decide if that burning sensation in your throat is the alcohol or the ionizing radiation hollowing out your esophagus. On second thought, just use an energy drink. Though I can't promise it'll be any healthier.